About the title, well, it’s more like me seeing through my teary eyes. I cannot see properly already, and, when I’m sad, seeing becomes even harder. But that’s just a title, it doesn’t even translate what I’m feeling.
Today I was so angry and sad when I saw you I’m pretty sure you felt that in the moment you put your eyes on me. I’m not even ashamed of it. You’ve been a jerk lately, ignoring my calls, not answering my emails. I lost a job opportunity to give you a better life. I’ve lend you money when you asked me to. Everytime you needed somebody to listen to you, I was there. And when I needed you, you just disappeared, vanished in the thin air. And now that you’re back feeling good, you act like nothing happened. Probably because you don’t remember, right? You don’t remember because it was something that wasn’t so important to you, even though it was important to me. And you still think you have the right to be pissed because of my behavior, just because I’m ignoring you the same way you have been ignoring me.
Funny thing, I just remembered the things I’ve done so far. All the times I harmed myself so people wouldn’t be harmed instead. All the times I loved so much a guy just to find out he was just playing with me and using me to get what he wanted. It’s hard to think about this without getting angry. All those things happened years ago, but the memories are all so vivid I just can’t ignore them. I know, if I had the chance to go back in time, I wouldn’t change a thing. I know people used me a lot, actually, they have used me a lot, because there are some of them still doing so, but I remember how good it felt to be helping people I loved. No sexual contact, no kisses, nothing like that happened. Only the joy of being helpful was enough to make me smile. It’s shame to know that there are people out there willing to use those feelings to get what they want.
It’s a shame that there are people doing that to me.
I feel terrible just because I know you are one of them.
Leave a comment