Archive for the ‘Pensando…’ Category

  1. sonhar com alguém próximo e, em tal sonho, você e tal pessoa estão mutuamente envolvidos em uma situação erótica é algo muito estranho;
  2. o amor, acredito, só acontece quando duas pessoas conseguem ocupar o mesmo lugar no espaço, sendo todo o resto pura conveniência.

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the following questions can be used both in character and out of character, depending on what you want to answer. these questions are meant to make people familiar with the various shades of love, attraction and identity, feel free to add your own. happy pride 🌈

what is your sexuality?
I’m gay.

what do you identify as?
You mean gender? I’m a cis male.

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/identity?
Now I know that what I felt at the age of 4 is the same as I feel today. But acting on my own sexuality happened only twelve years later.

do you have any preferences?
What are you talking about? Sexual preferences? Gender preferences? It’s not clear and I don’t think this type of question should be here. People have been mean to each other simply by “stating” their “preferences”.

share a positive memory about coming out!
I stopped seeing my sexuality as a disease and realized that it was just another thing that made me, me. Just like my black skin being different from those white skinned.

how do you feel about pride month?
I don’t feel any different, to be honest, but I do think it is important to raise awareness on this subject. People are being murdered everyday around the world simply because they love someone. 

do you participate in pride related events? any other events?
No. I don’t think I fit within the local gay community. 

how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media?
It certainly changed with time, since now, at least here in Brazil, we have some lgbt roles going around in social media. But we still can smell the challenge that is to be there: to make yourself visible despite all the things people tell you shows us that there’s still a lot of work to do. Let’s just hope that the new generation collaborates more. 

do you feel pride in who you are?

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?
Probably a biology teacher from high school. He had this huge conversation with the students of my class about why and how we should respect differences, and he did that after noticing my so-called “colleagues” were being hostile and avoiding me just because they found out about my sexuality. 

tell us about your first crush?
We used to have this special course together after our morning classes in high school. I liked the way he smiled whenever he was embarrassed with something. Suddenly I wanted to see him everyday. We only shared classes two days in the week (Mondays and Tuesdays). One day we went to the movies together to watch a Harry Potter movie (The Goblet of Fire, I think) and I couldn’t believe my luck. I thought we were at least hold hands during the session. It was rather awkward, since I’m pretty sure I was the only one feeling something other than friendship there. Nothing happened. Weeks later I built up enough confidence to call him and say how I was feeling. He said it was okay, that we could talk in another moment, which never happened. He started avoiding me, and he would also put this look on his face whenever he spotted me around. One day I tried to touch him lightly in the shoulder and he pushed me so hard I almost fell on the floor, screaming that he wasn’t gay, that he was into girls. I cried a lot, specially because he told his mother what happened, gave her my number and she called me at my house. My mother answered the phone and she explained everything to her. My mother screamed like crazy for days and tried to prevent me from leaving home for several days. Years later I found the guy in a party with what I think it was his boyfriend (yes, he’s actually gay), which made me feel bad not because he was engaged in a relationship, but due to realization I had: he was always gay; he might not have been attracted to me at that time. That it, this is how I realized I was indeed gay and that I will stay single until the end of my days. Phew, that was a long one. 
what sort of advice to have you lgbtqa teens?
Trust your parents only if you can. 
have you come out to friends and family?
Some friends, yeah. My family? Not really. 
how do you feel about the term “coming out” ?
do you believe there is a “closet” to come out of?
No. It’s more like a prison. 
any tips on coming out?
Do it only when you feel like it. Sometimes our friends might try to convince us to do that, but we have our time. 
what’s your biggest pet peeve when it comes to lgbtqa characterization in media?
I never see myself in such characterizations, which makes me feel sad. 
what’s your favorite parts of lgbtqa characterization in media?
They’ve been making changes in the way lgbtqa people are portrayed, especially concerning their fates. It’s nice to see lgbtqa people on screen acting without sexuality being the focus of the stories. C’mon, life is more than sexuality and this is great!
what did your teachers say about the lgbtqa community in school?
They never said anything, except for two teachers, both in high school. My French teacher always said to respect everyone no matter what, even though he had this twisted way to say it (usually saying the equivalents in my language for “faggot”, as in “we need to respect everyone, faggots included”). The other was a Biology teacher I had in my third year in high school. He noticed most my classmates had found out about my sexuality and were avoiding me constantly. He gave us a lecture about respect and how they could harm someone for the rest of their lives just because they were acting stupid. 
do you practice safe sex with the same sex?
Usually yeah, but there were some occasions I didn’t and I still regret it. 
what’s an absolute turn off for you in the opposite/same sex?
Be ashamed of me or criticize me over my appearance or any other trait I have no control over. That instantly makes me feel sad and all I wanna do is go home and never see the person again. For those who wonder, yeah, it happened before.
what’s an absolute turn on for you in the opposite/same sex?
Smiles. And beards. If the person laughs at my jokes, I feel like walking on clouds…
how do you feel about lgbtqa clubs/apps/websites?
Sad. They are permanent producers of stereotypes. Most people are not even there for fun. It feel like groups competing for cock, but I can only say that from my perspective (gay, male, cis). 
how do you feel about the term “queer” ?
I know it used to be offensive, but it’s nice to know that we, as a community, were able to remove the negativity of this word and make it our flag. 
how does you country view the lgbtqa community?
As a plague.
favorite lgbtqa actor/actress?
any tips for heterosexual people on how to handle lgbtqa events/news?
Just enjoy it and stop thinking that every queer person in the world wants to get laid with them. 
what’s the most annoying question you have ever gotten?
“When did you decided you were gay?”
how do you feel about receiving questions about your sexuality/identity?
I feel like my privacy has suddenly become the only interesting thing about me. Heterosexual people never talk about their sexuality/identity. It’s rare. But with us, hell! Not only is the most recurrent topic in any conversation, but also the one that is handled as if it is a problem.
what is your romantic affiliation?
Forever alone. 

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I’ve been smoking for 12 years, and drinking for 9 years. I’ve never considered myself addicted to those two, but recently I noticed that my drinking and smoking habits were increasing. I have many episodes of panic attacks and anxiety crisis, and because I’ve been short in money, I never got around to pay for a proper treatment. The result is as clear as clean water: cigarettes and beer quickly became crutch.

In the past two years I drank more and more, smoked more and more. One week ago, on a Friday night, my friend told me I drank so much I was holding hands with everyone at the table and saying things as if I had been possessed. I have no records of this in my memory, which scares me a lot. So I decided quit drinking.

I’ve been clean for one week and two days now, and I’ve been to bars these days just to order soda. I’m still smoking, unfortunately, but I’m trying to stop too. It’s been two days without cigarettes, but it’s hard. I hope I make it through the week without it.

I’m posting this because I want to save the date somewhere. Don’t worry, I won’t be here every day telling you all about the problems of abstinence. I’m sure there’s plenty of people out there already doing the same and I don’t think what I’m going through is any different. I just want to be able to become healthier, because my panic attacks always make me think I’m about to die. I don’t want to die with the idea that I could have done something to avoid it.

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Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?
Blue. (more…)

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1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
No. (more…)

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Funny. I tried to write something last night but I was so tired I fell asleep on my keyboard. Having a full time job doesn’t leave much room to do anything else other than sleeping, at least not for me. (more…)

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I really need to get this out of my head. (more…)

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yes. it definitely is exciting to observe every move you do. (more…)

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sometimes I wonder if I’m asking for something that is just too much. sometimes I just think I can afford being someone who’s always longing for more. when we don’t get what we want over and over, we tend to become bitter. sorry, let me correct that: when I don’t get what I want, I become bitter. (more…)

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It is always scary to see yourself so exposed and so fragile in front of others. It is even worse when you start to question your own ability to hide your feelings and fears, an ability that I’ve always prided myself to have. I could never be so wrong in my entire life.  (more…)

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