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the following questions can be used both in character and out of character, depending on what you want to answer. these questions are meant to make people familiar with the various shades of love, attraction and identity, feel free to add your own. happy pride 🌈

what is your sexuality?
I’m gay.

what do you identify as?
You mean gender? I’m a cis male.

how long have you been aware of your sexuality/identity?
Now I know that what I felt at the age of 4 is the same as I feel today. But acting on my own sexuality happened only twelve years later.

do you have any preferences?
What are you talking about? Sexual preferences? Gender preferences? It’s not clear and I don’t think this type of question should be here. People have been mean to each other simply by “stating” their “preferences”.

 

share a positive memory about coming out!
I stopped seeing my sexuality as a disease and realized that it was just another thing that made me, me. Just like my black skin being different from those white skinned.

how do you feel about pride month?
I don’t feel any different, to be honest, but I do think it is important to raise awareness on this subject. People are being murdered everyday around the world simply because they love someone. 

do you participate in pride related events? any other events?
No. I don’t think I fit within the local gay community. 

how do you feel about lgbtqa roles in media?
It certainly changed with time, since now, at least here in Brazil, we have some lgbt roles going around in social media. But we still can smell the challenge that is to be there: to make yourself visible despite all the things people tell you shows us that there’s still a lot of work to do. Let’s just hope that the new generation collaborates more. 

do you feel pride in who you are?
No.

who has been your supportive idols in your self discovery?
Probably a biology teacher from high school. He had this huge conversation with the students of my class about why and how we should respect differences, and he did that after noticing my so-called “colleagues” were being hostile and avoiding me just because they found out about my sexuality. 

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I’ve been smoking for 12 years, and drinking for 9 years. I’ve never considered myself addicted to those two, but recently I noticed that my drinking and smoking habits were increasing. I have many episodes of panic attacks and anxiety crisis, and because I’ve been short in money, I never got around to pay for a proper treatment. The result is as clear as clean water: cigarettes and beer quickly became crutch.

In the past two years I drank more and more, smoked more and more. One week ago, on a Friday night, my friend told me I drank so much I was holding hands with everyone at the table and saying things as if I had been possessed. I have no records of this in my memory, which scares me a lot. So I decided quit drinking.

I’ve been clean for one week and two days now, and I’ve been to bars these days just to order soda. I’m still smoking, unfortunately, but I’m trying to stop too. It’s been two days without cigarettes, but it’s hard. I hope I make it through the week without it.

I’m posting this because I want to save the date somewhere. Don’t worry, I won’t be here every day telling you all about the problems of abstinence. I’m sure there’s plenty of people out there already doing the same and I don’t think what I’m going through is any different. I just want to be able to become healthier, because my panic attacks always make me think I’m about to die. I don’t want to die with the idea that I could have done something to avoid it.

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Funny. I tried to write something last night but I was so tired I fell asleep on my keyboard. Having a full time job doesn’t leave much room to do anything else other than sleeping, at least not for me. (more…)

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sometimes I wonder if I’m asking for something that is just too much. sometimes I just think I can afford being someone who’s always longing for more. when we don’t get what we want over and over, we tend to become bitter. sorry, let me correct that: when I don’t get what I want, I become bitter. (more…)

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It is always scary to see yourself so exposed and so fragile in front of others. It is even worse when you start to question your own ability to hide your feelings and fears, an ability that I’ve always prided myself to have. I could never be so wrong in my entire life.  (more…)

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Soon this post wiil be translated into English. I just had to write it in my mother tongue first so I could make sure everything was on the right place, and that I could freely express my feelings. If you do read the things I write, just wait a little more. The translation will come in another post. Just to let you know, this post is about eye-fucking. 

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It’s so funny to watch me become incredibly interested in a guy and fail miserably at flirting. To be honest, I don’t even think I can flirt, it’s more like stuttered words full of hope.  And it’s always the same thing: in one moment I’m so sure I’ll never fall for anyone ever again because that’s just how it is for me; and then, days/months/years later, here I am, doing the exact opposite.

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You again. This time holding hands with another man. It was funny, to see myself trying to avoid your eyes. I’m sure you recognized me by the friendly look on your face, or at least that’s what I thought during the fraction of seconds that my gaze rested on your face, only to quickly avoid it. I don’t know if you noticed that I didn’t want to talk to you. I told you that by looking away. I think I might have looked at you right after that, only to look away again after seeing you smiling. Those 10 seconds (or less) lasted a lifetime.

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It bugs me the fact I’ve been spotting you around town so many times lately. And today I think you spotted me too, because when I glanced in your direction I saw that you had seen me, even though your choice was to walk away.

Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with you. I don’t think I know love. It was  more like fixation, fascination, since high school. Your enigmatic figure always got me wondering about what was going on in this head of yours. It was also funny the fact that, whenever I thought about it, I would spot you soon. That’s the relationship we developed, err, I developed.

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I just found myself obsessed over MS MR’s new album and music videos available. The way they talk about their musical production, inspiration and references sort of awakens my desire to be part of the musical word not only as a listener, but also as a producer, even though I have no talent to develop anything like that.

Also, Kate Bush is another reason why I feel this way. She’s just so unique in what she has produced that I hardly doubt there’s a single artist out there capable of changing the way music is conceived just like she did. (more…)

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