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Soon this post wiil be translated into English. I just had to write it in my mother tongue first so I could make sure everything was on the right place, and that I could freely express my feelings. If you do read the things I write, just wait a little more. The translation will come in another post. Just to let you know, this post is about eye-fucking. 

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after a couple of beers and lots of cigarettes tonight, I’m feeling quite dizzy. Even after have taken a bath and eaten something, I still feel a little odd. But to talk about this I need to go a little back in time, most specifically to the moment in which I still was inside the bus, sweating like crazy and listening to Lana Del Rey’s songs.

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It’s so funny to watch me become incredibly interested in a guy and fail miserably at flirting. To be honest, I don’t even think I can flirt, it’s more like stuttered words full of hope.  And it’s always the same thing: in one moment I’m so sure I’ll never fall for anyone ever again because that’s just how it is for me; and then, days/months/years later, here I am, doing the exact opposite.

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You again. This time holding hands with another man. It was funny, to see myself trying to avoid your eyes. I’m sure you recognized me by the friendly look on your face, or at least that’s what I thought during the fraction of seconds that my gaze rested on your face, only to quickly avoid it. I don’t know if you noticed that I didn’t want to talk to you. I told you that by looking away. I think I might have looked at you right after that, only to look away again after seeing you smiling. Those 10 seconds (or less) lasted a lifetime.

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It bugs me the fact I’ve been spotting you around town so many times lately. And today I think you spotted me too, because when I glanced in your direction I saw that you had seen me, even though your choice was to walk away.

Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever been in love with you. I don’t think I know love. It was  more like fixation, fascination, since high school. Your enigmatic figure always got me wondering about what was going on in this head of yours. It was also funny the fact that, whenever I thought about it, I would spot you soon. That’s the relationship we developed, err, I developed.

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I just found myself obsessed over MS MR’s new album and music videos available. The way they talk about their musical production, inspiration and references sort of awakens my desire to be part of the musical word not only as a listener, but also as a producer, even though I have no talent to develop anything like that.

Also, Kate Bush is another reason why I feel this way. She’s just so unique in what she has produced that I hardly doubt there’s a single artist out there capable of changing the way music is conceived just like she did. Continue Reading »

43 questions

1. Any scars?
Not that I’m aware of.

2. Self harmed?
No.

3. Crush?
Lots.

4. Kissed anyone?
It’s been a while (over a 2 years, I guess) Continue Reading »

planos

Hoje fiz um monte de planos sem saber ao certo o que fazer com eles. Os momentos que planejo parecem sempre perfeitos demais para acontecerem, e a minha preguiça logo faz o sono deitar por cima deles. Tenho tentado fazer coisas diferentes mas sinto o peso dos anos perdidos aumentar, imobilizando-me. Continue Reading »

draft #6

This draft was empty for some reason.

In fact, it wasn’t. I’m lying. I just don’t want to talk about what was here because it’s been over two years since it happened. It kinda lost its meaning. Continue Reading »

Eric decided to write the word “ultraviolence” every single time Lana De Rey says it in the song “Ultraviolence”, from her album “Ultraviolence”. Eric just broke up with his newly boyfriend, a relationship that didn’t even last 6 months. It was the shortest and the longest relationship he’s been to.

Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence.

Ultraviolence.

Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence.

Ultraviolence.

Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence. Ultraviolence.

Ultraviolence.

Eric says:

I’m still feeling ultraviolence with this ultraviolence ultraviolence ultraviolence feeling inside me. I don’t know what’s going on because I’m not really thinking about that. I’m try to pretend that I’m stronger than my feelings and that I can deal with them better than before. I’m still thinking about him ultraviolence ultraviolence because ultraviolence I think his ultraviolence attitude towards me was terrible. He could have said something, or call me again, and knowing that he hasn’t called makes me realize he wasn’t so interested in me at all and this is something that I really can’t cope with it. But I know I can ultraviolence overcome ultraviolence this ultraviolence someday ultraviolence, because time heals every wound. It’s good ultraviolence.

Eric is very stupid. Eric thinks that he’s the only person who has problems. Eric thinks he should get help at some point, but he’s very clever to think twice before doing so, for not everyone has enough time to help him solve his own problems. Eric is a fool.