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Posts Tagged ‘angst’

Do you prefer writing with black or blue pen?
Blue. (more…)

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1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
No. (more…)

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Funny. I tried to write something last night but I was so tired I fell asleep on my keyboard. Having a full time job doesn’t leave much room to do anything else other than sleeping, at least not for me. (more…)

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You again. This time holding hands with another man. It was funny, to see myself trying to avoid your eyes. I’m sure you recognized me by the friendly look on your face, or at least that’s what I thought during the fraction of seconds that my gaze rested on your face, only to quickly avoid it. I don’t know if you noticed that I didn’t want to talk to you. I told you that by looking away. I think I might have looked at you right after that, only to look away again after seeing you smiling. Those 10 seconds (or less) lasted a lifetime.

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Have you ever felt so lonely that all you want to do is just go out and scream out loud so everyone will look at you and then you’d want to go back to your room and stay alone there? I like being alone but I don’t like being lonely. It’s different to be alone because you want to and because you have no choice. I do enjoy having my privacy, but sometimes everything is just too much and too little and my mind refuses to make sense of it all.

Kinda controversial, but I don’t really have a name for what I’m feeling right now. Like, I think I really want to go out but I don’t know where to go and the thought of going out all alone is not appealing. I also want to drink a lot (alcohol involved, please), and maybe I think that’s the reason I want to go out in the first place. Am I alcoholic? I don’t think so, but then, I’m not sure what or who I am right now. I only see mess and it’s easy to lose myself on it.

Whenever I feel like this I quickly try to make sense of things around me, just to make sure everything is still real and I’m not going mad for good. Moments like these scare the hell out of me just because I always think that this is when I’m gonna get crazy and lose my senses, lose my identity, forget who I am. I might be more afraid of losing my mind than losing my life.

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