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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Hi, D.

Today I decided to delete your contact number from my contacts’ list. It wasn’t easy, though, because when I touched the screen and opened the conversation window, you were online and had just updated your profile pic. I didn’t know what that meant, you know? I thought it was some kind of advice, as if I was about to do something wrong. It wasn’t just because it was you. It’s because I’m tired of holding myself back because I still have these distorted feelings towards you (and towards a bunch of other guys I’ve met in the past).

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Sometimes what makes me frustrated is the fact that I’ve been growing tired of doing things without feeling anything good. Finishing important tasks, elaborating class plans, preparing seminars and papers for college, none of these things seem to be enough to make feel better.

Me, on a July 6, 2016 draft for this blog.

I wonder what would I think of me back then if only I knew how much trouble was yet to come. It’s almost funny the silliness with which I face some of my old complaints about life and the way things were going. Of course I didn’t know I was living the best days of my life, we never get that idea when we are going through hard times. But I was, and as much as I’d love to say that I’m over it, I’m afraid I’m still standing still, completely lost in longing for times that will never return.

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hoje é o segundo dia que passo sem falar com você.

tem sido difícil, mas ouso dizer que hoje foi mais difícil ainda, uma vez que não tenho sequer conseguido administrar meus afazeres. fiz faxina na casa, almocei, cochilei por 20 minutos e você estava na minha cabeça em todos esses momentos.

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Funny. I tried to write something last night but I was so tired I fell asleep on my keyboard. Having a full time job doesn’t leave much room to do anything else other than sleeping, at least not for me.

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I really need to get this out of my head. (more…)

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yes. it definitely is exciting to observe every move you do. (more…)

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sometimes I wonder if I’m asking for something that is just too much. sometimes I just think I can afford being someone who’s always longing for more. when we don’t get what we want over and over, we tend to become bitter. sorry, let me correct that: when I don’t get what I want, I become bitter. (more…)

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It is always scary to see yourself so exposed and so fragile in front of others. It is even worse when you start to question your own ability to hide your feelings and fears, an ability that I’ve always prided myself to have. I could never be so wrong in my entire life.  (more…)

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Soon this post wiil be translated into English. I just had to write it in my mother tongue first so I could make sure everything was on the right place, and that I could freely express my feelings. If you do read the things I write, just wait a little more. The translation will come in another post. Just to let you know, this post is about eye-fucking. 

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It’s so funny to watch me become incredibly interested in a guy and fail miserably at flirting. To be honest, I don’t even think I can flirt, it’s more like stuttered words full of hope.  And it’s always the same thing: in one moment I’m so sure I’ll never fall for anyone ever again because that’s just how it is for me; and then, days/months/years later, here I am, doing the exact opposite.

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